Nice Work If You Can Get It

There are many situations in life that can test a person’s faith, determination, and sense of self-esteem.  There are moments when one has done one’s best – or at least thought one has – and expected positive results, only to come up empty handed.  Then the brutal self-analysis begins.  Did I do the right things?  Did I do enough?  Did I miss a step along the way?  Fear sets in.

Such has been the case with my job search.  Having been unemployed since last August, I’ve put myself through a lot of those masochistic Doubting Thomas moments while my job search has stumbled forward.  It probably doesn’t help matters any that I’ve had a lifelong habit of beating myself up over the least little foible.  I’m my own worst critic, which can sometimes be a blessing and sometimes a curse – a blessing when the self-analysis brings about changes for the good, but a curse when it becomes tantamount to a hamster running nonstop in a hamster wheel and going nowhere, making zero progress.

There are physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, and health side effects of long-term unemployment.  You doubt your value to the workforce.  Your self-esteem, self-confidence, and optimism take a nosedive.  You struggle with finding reasons to get out of bed in the mornings when you believe the day ahead of you will come and go just like the ones before it.

As of May 2012, Georgia’s unemployment rate is 9.0%, while the national unemployment rate is just 8.2%, according to the Georgia Department of Labor.  As one Georgian among that 9.0%, I know that I should be doing more to try and improve my situation.  I need to turn the tides, to change my statistic.  I probably need to pray more and have more faith.

The process of looking for a job can also be a strenuous litmus test of faith, though.  You want to believe that God has a hand in your situation and will provide for your needs.  You want to not be so quick to dismiss friends’ supportive statements of “God will provide” and “Something good is about to happen. I can feel it!” as trite platitudes.  Praying to God for a breakthrough and some open doors feels good and can give a momentary sense of peace, but even that apparently doesn’t cover all the bases when it comes to looking for a job.  The feeling of well-being can give way to abject despondency if the situation – in this case, unemployment – continues unchanged.  Isn’t that a sin when our faith in divine providence ricochets like a readout on an EKG monitor, wanes, or flatlines altogether?  Are we in danger of looking to God as some sort of divine banker who operates an ATM that we hope to take good fortunes out of?

Still, which is the greater blasphemy here: not sticking to your guns and pursuing the kind of work you feel spiritually destined to do, or not prostrating yourself before God and saying “Okay, if it’s your will that I should flip burgers instead, so be it.”?  Shouldn’t we listen to our hearts and go with our gut feelings, only pursuing work that we know matches our God-given talents?  Should we ignore the types of work that we don’t believe we would have a gift for or wouldn’t enjoy doing?  Or is that a stubborn, sinful pridefulness?  It’s the dilemma of not knowing and not feeling able to make a decisive step forward that is such a crippling quandary.

For all the deep introspection that I do on a regular basis, you would think that I’d have a much better understanding of myself.  Surely by now, I’d have been able to identify talents other than writing and quality-checking other people’s writing that could be good stepping stones to a new career.  And yet, sometimes I honestly don’t know what else there is.  That’s how important writing is to me.  But I hope that almost rigid single-mindedness doesn’t signify that I’m incapable of thinking outside the box.  I suppose it could mean I’m just so confident in and passionate about my God-given aptitude for the written word that anything else seems to pale in comparison.

Despite frequent stern admonishments from friends to apply for retail and food service jobs, I do feel a slight pang of guilt that I’m not taking their advice more.  However, with my not having worked a retail job in more than eleven years, it seems an oddly daunting prospect to return to that world after having worked for major corporations and interviewed everyone from prominent state political leaders to Deborah Harry of the rock group Blondie.  I’m told to flip burgers in McDonald’s or ring up groceries or stock shelves in a supermarket, but the notion of doing either of those things and not loathing them after the first ten minutes would be about as likely as me putting on a dress, doing a cartwheel, and singing “On A Clear Day You Can See Forever” as the skirt falls down and covers my face.

Or maybe I should just bypass all this pathetic pity-party nitpicking altogether and sell apples on street corners.  That might not be so bad.  I like apples.  A lot.