Halloween Costumes For Parents

Mothers of all things

June Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) – Classic dress, smart  heals, coiffed hair, peals. Bonus points: Meat cleaver with apple stuck in it.

Joan Crawford (Too many movies to name) – Same outfit as above, but substitute steak on a plate or wire hangers for cleaver.

Ellen Ripley (Alien) – Green tank top over, white T-shirt, cargo pants. Bonus points: Borrow stuffed animal from kids room. Must be an orange cat that you refer to as “Jones” all night. Space blaster optional.

Morticia Addams (The Addams Family)  – Black wig, long black dress, crossed arms. Bonus points: Ability to snap in rhythm.

Mrs. Gump (Forest Gump) – Floral hat, floral dress, sensible shoes, gloves and clutch purse. Bonus points: Give out candy from a box of chocolate. Mom always said life was like one.

Best. Dads. Ever.

H.I. McDunnough (Raising Arizona) – Hawaiian shirt open with white shirt underneath. Arrest placard that reads “H.I. McDunnough, No. 14686, Nov 29 83.” Bonus points: Panty hose on your head and carrying box of diapers.

Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show) – Ugly argyle sweater. Bonus points for strange dance moves or random quotes from Bill Cosby. Start with, “I brought you into this world, and I take you out,” and go from there.

Charles “Pa” Ingalls (Little House on the Prarie) – Hat, work shirt, suspenders, boots. Bonus points: Call everyone “Half-pint” all night. Talk of the coming blizzard and having to go to “town.”

Darth Vader (Star Wars) – You are going to have to buy this costume, but you will make all the kids in your neighborhood happy.

Jack Torrance (The Shining) – Best and worst movie dad ever. Black plaid shirt, with red velour jacket. Or black cable knit sweater. Bonus points: Don’t carry an axe. That’s not scary. Print up “All work and not play makes Jack a dull boy” a hundred different ways. Hand them out instead of candy. That is scary.

No matter if you go trick-or-treating or stay in and give out candy. Be safe and have fun. Don't forget to take a