Adventures in Parenting: OMG LOL WTFBBQ

I don’t understand pop culture.

I stare at magazine covers and think: "Who are these people?" "And why should I care?" Celebrities confuse me. I don’t know what all those texting acronyms mean. I rely on Wikipedia and Google to make sense of this strange world. 

Who’s on first?

It started a few years ago. A co-worker had seen "Luda" while out in Atlanta one night. "Who?" I asked.

“Ludacris,” she responded. What?

[Insert me googling “ludicrous” + music and getting “Ludacris”]

"Of course," I said. "That is so cool." Was it? I didn't know.

[Insert me looking up "Ludacris" on "YouTube."]

"Was he nice?" I asked. My friend said yes and showed me a picture of her and Luda on her phone. His name says it all.

And I don’t know who the Kardashians are. I'm guessing they're the super villain family from General Hospital in the early 80’s, right?

Where's the "OC?" Who lives in "The Hills?" Who the heck is "Yeezy?" Oh, he's the guy who interrupted Taylor Swift, but I don't know who Taylor Swift is.  And how did "Yeezy" get an invite to William and Kate's royal wedding? Are you confused yet? Grab a magazine. It gets worse PDQ.

ROTFLMAO or 10-4 Good buddy

Later, I get an instant message from another colleague, "WTFBBQ."

Thank goodness for urbandictionary.com. I was able to respond "IMHO" and still get a "LOL."

Thanks to my "tweenaged" niece I know that "cool" is "kewl" and "LOL" is already passé. A friend posted "FML" and I was like "WTFBBQ! You can’t go around cursing on the internet like that." Even in acronym.

I’m on Twitter, but I can’t condense my thoughts to 140 characters or less. I’m a verbose writer. #IAVW #DecaturGAPatch @NickiSalcedo. #RT that and I’ll #FF you back. But you can’t "DM" me until you "follow" me like a stalker or "friend" me even though we're only acquaintances.

Apl.d.ap

My parents, who are old enough to be old, have iPhones. My dad is 78 and sometimes has a question about an ap he's downloaded. I can’t help him. I don’t have an iPhone. I have a rotary phone plugged into the wall and an operator manually connects me to the other party.

My sisters went to see the Black Eyed Peas in concert last year. My older sisters are cooler than I am. I spent the Super Bowl halftime show asking my nieces and nephews who the performers were.

Apl.d.ap? Taboo? In my day, singers had nice normal names like Joey McIntyre (NKOTB anyone?).

The only person I recognized during the show was Slash and when my nephew asked what group he was from I said Guns-N-Roses. Oops. What do I know? I never listened to that kind of music anyway. Then I realized that the name Slash is no more or less ludicrous than Ludacris.

30 is the new 20 unless you have kids. Then you're really 50.

When my kids grow up, I won’t bore them with stories about walking uphill both ways in the snow.

I’ll tell them that in my day we used whole words. We said the entire word. We wrote all the letters of the words.

When I went to my first concert (New Kids On The Block at Six Flags Over Georgia or NKOTB@SFOGA), I couldn’t text my "BFF" about it. I couldn’t post it on TwitPic or YouTube from my phone. I didn't have a phone. I had a quarter in the pockets of my acid washed jeans.

I had to watch the entire concert with my own two eyes and listen with my own two ears, and rely on my (OMG) memory (4GB at least).

There aren’t enough emoticons to capture how confused I am.  :)

WWJD

Turn water into wine? TW2W? Walk on water? WOW? WWJ really do? Probably not use acronyms. FYI in a year, this will change again and my current lament will be historical hieroglyphics. BTW still need help? Try http://www.internetslang.com. TFLMK.

Feels like I just took an eye exam. . . TTYL H8R.