Ask the Lesbian

PDA -- what's appropriate for your eyes?

Well, I've decided that I'll be writing my blog three times per week. With that said, oh how is one to come up with proper topics? Remember I said I am new at this blog writing? So please, any suggestions for me to write will be greatly appreciated.

My topic for today is: When is PDA (public display of affection) too much to see and what's really acceptable?

I am not a huge fan of PDA and I feel that there is a time and a place for that and hanging out waiting to pay for my groceries at Kroger is not a place I like to see two people sucking on each other's face. Really, people, get a room.

So that left me with today's blog of how and what and when is it appropriate. So here goes my opinion.

A simple kiss (no spit swapping or tongue) is appropriate anywhere for all ages. Holding hands walking down the street is appropriate. Resting my hand on my partner's leg at the baseball game is appropriate. Walking anywhere with our arms around each other is appropriate.

Really, I believe that when you are fully making out and groping each other in public, that's not appropriate. Please get a room, go home or find a private place.

A good rule is the one my parents told me: If you feel weird or all eyes are on you with scowls on their faces then it's not appropriate.

Please continue to love each other -- just privately.

This is my opinion. What do you think? Have a question you want to ask the lesbian? Please feel free. I'll respond to all comments or questions expeditiously. Have an awesome day.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Ann Rinehart August 15, 2012 at 12:57 AM
Your Parents were right....
Paula Martinez August 15, 2012 at 01:37 AM
Good one. Someone told me once, if you wouldn't do it in front of your mom, then don't do it in front of everyone else. I thought that was a good place to draw the line.
Marci Alt August 15, 2012 at 01:35 PM
Paula...Right thats what my mom said as well. Thanks for your comment.
Marci Alt August 15, 2012 at 01:36 PM
Ann as a parent I know you agree..Thanks
john penn August 15, 2012 at 03:58 PM
I agree, but I do not think there should be any legislation against it. As one who would exercise good judgement in respecting others, I can tolerate more shows of affection in a park or at the beach than at a grocery store, bus stop, public building, etc....you know what I'm sayin'?
jen runyon August 15, 2012 at 06:38 PM
Personally, I think that some places should have separate places for families with kids and adults out. My partner and I have gone to nice restaurants for romantic date nights and I don't think that we should have to hold back all that much. (Not to worry, orgasms came from the food only) if I want to really kiss her, I shouldn't have to hold back bc someone has children and wishes for them to retain whatever "innocence" they have. Im all for PDA etiquette but we also need to have "adult" areas in public places....im bored with my house! :-)
john penn August 15, 2012 at 08:05 PM
jen...More legislation is the last thing that we need. If you don't want to hold back, then you also need to be prepared if someone decides to join in without you reporting them for assault. I can see the headlines now, "Assailant and victim both use the 'Hot and Bothered' defense.LOL. If you are bored with your house, why not a remote part of the drive in(lock the doors), an industrial park, the airport, a foreclosed house, etc.....use your imagination.
Decaturette August 15, 2012 at 08:21 PM
But it's not just about holding back in front of children. There's adults who feel uncomfortable with demonstrative displays of physical affection. They may be elderly and old-fashioned, or just plain modest or from a strict religious background, or they may be simply lonely and without a partner and not want to be reminded that they do not have one. Someone once told me that you should never tell a joke in a group if anyone in the group will be offended, whether or not their reaction is logical or not. Ditto for intimacy, IMHO. There's a happy medium between repressing all affection and making others uncomfortable.
Ralph Ellis August 15, 2012 at 08:26 PM
Decatur Mom, what you say makes sense, but you don't always know how people feel when you're out in public. Should you assume they will be offended?
Cindy Livingston August 15, 2012 at 08:56 PM
Yes. Can we talk realistically for just a minute? I have been an out lesbian for about 30 yrs, give or take. For personal safety reasons, my choices about kissing my partner in public are informed by an acute awareness of the particular situation. My decisions about whether to show affection in public are not made based upon whether it will damage the psyche of the young children in attendance, but how likely it is that I'll get harassed on my way to the car. Yeah, I know the world is changing and I am lucky to live in a fairly progressive area. Still, I'm just sayin'--how many straight people have to think this hard about whether to kiss the girlfriend in the Chik fil A?
john penn August 15, 2012 at 09:08 PM
Cindy....This shouldn't be a sexual preference issue. Whatever the expectations are and come to be should apply to all....period. I do, however, understand where your coming from
john penn August 15, 2012 at 09:11 PM
Cindy.....I'm sorry," where YOU'RE coming from"......my bad.
john penn August 15, 2012 at 09:36 PM
America is going to the dogs with it's political correct mindset and 1st Amendment demands. For those of us who are old enough to remember, the moral climate in the country in the last 40-50 years has changed significantly. Some will say this is a good thing; some will say no. I would venture to say that 50 years from now, public nudity will be passe. I remember when just seeing a woman's face excited a man or to look at Marilyn Monroe's ankle in a Life magazine could bring a reprimand if mama caught you. Don't even get me started on Elvis getting "All Shook Up". Are we getting too "nasty"? Don't fool me now.
john penn August 15, 2012 at 09:38 PM
And while its on my mind...we are getting too fat as well.
Marci Alt August 16, 2012 at 02:19 AM
John, definitely I agree the beach is much more acceptable then standing in front of me at Kroger
Marci Alt August 16, 2012 at 02:23 AM
Jen, I love this idea, adults only restaurants where I can have a romantic date night with my wife. I agree if i want to kiss her I should feel comfortable enough to do it. Actually I do that now if we are on a date night. We typically go to restaurants that are really for adults..
Marci Alt August 16, 2012 at 02:24 AM
Again y'all I believe that if it's done appropriately their is no problem, now making out in public I feel is not appropriate
Marci Alt August 16, 2012 at 02:27 AM
Cindy, I would tell anyone that was making out in front of me to get a room don't care if they are gay or straight I just don't want to see it while i'm eating or shopping....
Decaturette August 16, 2012 at 05:07 AM
Well, the beach gets kind of weird what with bikinis and speedos and sunscreen application and lolling around on beach towels! I distinctly remember being at teen at the beach with a boyfriend and having a nearby Mom ask us to be more "decorous"! Just like airing angry arguments, there's only so much physical intimacy that couples should share in public. A little forbearance may make the intimacy even better when they get back home!
Diane Loupe August 16, 2012 at 01:27 PM
Why do you think you "shouldn't" have to behave in public? There are so many ways to be romantic outside of R-rated PDA's. Holding hands, whispered romantic words, footsie under the table, etc. If you want serious physical groping, I think a nice restaurant is not the place for that. Hey, isn't a dark bar designed for that sort of thing? If you don't think you can control yourself during a meal, then perhaps you ought to order in?
john penn August 16, 2012 at 09:52 PM
Diane....I'm with you because I am an "old skool" boomer. You will find your opposition amongst those who feel that "R-rated PDA's" are your opinion and who would get the Civil Liberties Union to oppose you in court citing the 1st Amendment. Personally, None of what people do bothers me to the point of discomfort because I'm going to mind my own business. I'm not into the romance thing unless you find a sleepy headed dude to be to your liking. As a matter of fact, thinking about romance makes me drousy. I'm damn near sleep looking for the enter key to make this post. I know I can get some "Amens" from those who are not too proud. After 50, sex is spelled sexzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


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