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Ask The Lesbian

I faced a dilemma when my daughter's school scheduled a "spirit night" at Chick-fil-A. Did I compromise or sell out? You decide.

Wow, I have so much to say & no idea how to formulate this so it comes out right ... So here it goes.

I have a 7 year old that is in an elementary school in Dekalb County. She starts school this week and I am dreading the inevitable Spirit Night which sometimes occurs at Chik-fil-A. Now, with the petition I launched and the interviews I did it would be so hypocritical if I let her participate. What's a parent to do? I don't want to disappoint my daughter and I definitely don't want to back down from this stand I've taken, so in compromise I sent a letter to the PTA in hopes they will change the restaurant venue. 

The happiest part of this dilemma for me was the outpouring of support from both the teachers and the school community. To find out that teachers wrote letters before I did really makes me proud as a parent of this school. Hopefully the PTA will see our side and go along with the fight for equality for all. If not I believe the best compromise is that my daughter participates in the festivities but no eating or drinking of any of thier menu items so I know our money is not going towards any WinShare programs.

What do y'all think? Did I sell out to my 7 year old or did I compromise for all to win? I'd love to read your comments.

Remember, if their are any questions or topics you want this Lesbian to address, please ask.

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FM Fats August 10, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Personally, I wouldn't be seen in a Chick-fil-A under any circumstances.
bulldogger August 10, 2012 at 12:38 PM
You know, one day under socialism (the money will run out), which road we're heading down like a speeding bullet under Obamaloney's policies, wouldn't it be poetic justice if Marci and FM Fats were put in charge of shoveling the chicken s*** from the chicken houses where Chick-Fil-A's delicious, mouth watering, melt in your mouth chicken were once raised? So, Marci, does your daughter actually like the chicken from Chick-Fil-A? and if she does, would it not be "Abuse" and actually "Brainwashing" to keep her away? Do you want to raise your daughter in a way that promotes "Hate" rather than "Love"? Marci, I'll tell you like I've told others..."Get the chip off your shoulder" and live and let live.
Mary H. Hines August 10, 2012 at 12:47 PM
I think you did the right thing and made the right compromise. It takes time to change small minds and hardened hearts, and children shouldn't have to suffer because of those people. It sounds like your child understands what this is all about, and she will share that information with her friends. Just make sure you send her out with food that is WAY better than Chic-fil-A. Let the other kids see that there is an upside to making good political (and nutrition) choices.
Decaturette August 10, 2012 at 01:19 PM
I know it's hard to communicate to children why your family has values, beliefs, practices different than others, maybe even the majority of others, but kids can understand. Example: many families do not do Santa Claus because of religious or personal beliefs even though their children are surrounded by Santa/North Pole/Rudolph promotion and media for four months of the year. That's not a great example because prejudice isn't usually involved with Santa, but the best I can think of quickly. My two children have been Decatur CFA addicts for years. The other night, we had a dinner emergency as we schlepped from one evening activity to another with just minutes between after school program, one activity, next activity. We went to McDonalds instead. Both my kids whined that McDonalds is horrible and them feel ill afterwards. I started to defensively remind them that I wasn't spending money at CFA until things change there. Their response of "We know THAT Mom. We just meant that you could thought of something else." was heartening. They are capable of understanding why I am taking my small, personal stand even if they are dissatisfied with my alternate food choices!
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 01:25 PM
Wow bulldogger sounds like your the one with the chip..As far as shoveling poop, as a business owner I have done every job in my company as well as cleaning the bathroom. I really don't find anything like that beneath me. In regards to my daughter liking chicken is not the issue I'm sure if she had it her way she would eat ice cream & candy bars all day but I wouldn't let her do that. As a parent my job is to guide her through life so she becomes a responsible adult. I believe her seeing her parents taking stands on issues that will help her in her future I believe is smart. I do however respect and appreciate your opinion although I may not agree with it.
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 01:33 PM
Thanks Mary we most certainly will...
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 01:35 PM
FM...If it was totally up to me I would never as well but in this situation I must compromise. Now hopefully the PTA will change the venue....
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 01:38 PM
A Decatur Mom...I so proud of your kids. Also thanks for taking a stand for equality..
Scott Tewell August 10, 2012 at 01:39 PM
I've had the same thought, Marci, about upcoming Spirit Nights. But my fear in petitioning the PTA is that the PTA will then become wrapped up in this devisive issue. What if bulldogger, though I disagree with him on just about every issue and see very little reason or logic in his arguments, were a parent and petitioned that Spirit Nights should be held at Chick, or rather should not be held at another restaurant that he disagreed with on some issue? Now the PTA has to make choices based on social/political views, which is a huge distraction from their mission of supporting the school in educating kids. If, rather, the PTA lets parents make their own choices, and if few parents show up to a Chick event, then the PTA makes less money and may be more willing to switch the venue in order to maximize the PTA benefit. And the PTA gets to stay neutral. It is often said how we are all "entitled to opinions" and even to live and act accordingly. And I think it is worth noting that one of the costs of this freedom is that, in a public, communal space such as a PTA, we sometimes have to live with communal decisions that we abhor. The good thing is, as you know, that there are many private alternatives that we can use to effect the change we want to see.
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 01:55 PM
Scott...Never really thought about people petitioning to stay at Chik-fil-a but I agree it's their freedom to. However it goes I am so happy for the out-pour of support from teachers and parents. Again my compromise would be to let her go and just not give our hard earned dollars to them.
Decaturette August 10, 2012 at 01:56 PM
This may work itself out in PTAs without there having to be a big to-do. It's WORK to do any fundraising. There's usually only one or two selfless parents willing to take on any particular fundraising activity and there's many activities to choose from. Many a fundraising activity gets dropped simply because the one person willing to run fundraising picked something else to focus on. I'll bet that's what happens with CFA.
David D August 10, 2012 at 02:32 PM
A choice by the PTA to go to CFA is a political statement, given the recent events. I would not send my children to any event that is an in-your-face challenge. The PTA can rationalize all it wants about the reasons for going, but to my mind, the PTA would have taken a stand with the hate-groups.
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 02:50 PM
David...I want to think that the PTA is not political, and I can only hope they would take the stand that the parents of that schools community voices.
bulldogger August 10, 2012 at 03:28 PM
You know Marci, when your daughter gets old enough, she's gonna sneak around and eat at Chick-Fil-A. Your dominating influence may stop her while she's younger, but the temptation to try it because you are denying her the opportunity to try it will overcome your dominating personality. And Marci, "Yes", chicken is the issue.
Marci Alt August 10, 2012 at 04:01 PM
Bulldogger...My daughter has tried Chik-Fil-A really when she is older and has a job and wants to spend her hard earned money on it that is her choice. So until they stop spending money on hate groups and trying to take my right s away we will not be spending our money their.
Decaturette August 10, 2012 at 04:23 PM
I was going to reply to that guy in a similar way. When my kids asked in their usual challenge-the-adults tone of voice: "Why do WE have to do what YOU do?", I told them I couldn't stop them from eating Chick Fil A but, until I see a change in CFA's investment in anti-gay groups, it wouldn't be bought with my money, I hoped they wouldn't do it, and how did they think it made their friends with same sex parents feel (I inserted real names here.)? It's about modelling a choice.
Lance Dreesen August 10, 2012 at 04:23 PM
@ bulldogger: don't be a coward and hide behind the anonymity of a generic web I.D. If you are going to state your opinions in such a rude way, then put your real name to it. I believe all internet posts and comments would be a lot more civil if we did away with anonymous user names - well, at least a little more civil. If it's not something you can put your own name to, then don't say it. Anything else is cowardice IMHO.
Avon Dale August 10, 2012 at 05:01 PM
Not unlike bulldogger, I too have been labeled a "faceless coward". Oh well, until Lameness is finally embraced by the mainstream I will post anonymously to avoid harassment offline. My latest post is entirely relevant to this issue. Good day and stay Lame, Avondale! http://keep-avondale-estates-lame.org/
Lance Dreesen August 10, 2012 at 06:17 PM
@ Avon Dale: you mean that's not your real name?! LOL I only consider it cowardice for people who are being rude and uncivil. Everybody has a right to privacy, and I didn't mean to suggest all who use an anonymous user ID are cowards. Such a label is for people who write things anonymously in such a way they would not say to someone's face. However, I still believe it would be a much better world if we would all own up to what we say and write - it would make everyone think twice before they post - which would be a very good thing!
FM Fats August 10, 2012 at 06:45 PM
I think there are many other ways a seven year old can show her support for her school besides attending what is essentially a marketing gimmick for a fast food chain, Marci. Perhaps if attendance at events like this dip in some markets, there may be some change in the way some people think. Yo, Bulldogger. I'm not sure I can figure out where the hate is in my comment or Marci's comment. I detect something close to it in yours. Dude, I stopped going to Chick-fil-A moths ago because I can't see my money being funnelled to organizations that have an agenda that I perceive to be anti-gay rights. If you don't want to go to Penney's anymore because of the Ellen ads and the gay dads in the catalogue, or Starbucks because it supports same sex marriage, or Disney World because it tacitly allowed "gay days", fine. That's what's great about this country.
swagger August 14, 2012 at 04:06 PM
If you eat chik fil a, you are eating mutilated bird corpse boiled in lard. Yall have fun with that!
David Zupan August 14, 2012 at 10:43 PM
I think you should let your daughter participate and, if SHE chooses, eat some Chik-Fil-A. She is too young to truly understand the situation and she should be allowed be simply be a kid! I don't think it will be very fun for her to go and not "participate." If a few of your dollars goes to chick-fil-a for your daughters current happiness, I don't see an issue. No one can say that your be hypocritical, because this is YOUR DAUGHTERS function and it will help her school. Now, if YOU eat their food that would be a different story. Don't let Chik-Fil-A make your daughter a pawn! You know I love ya!
Marci Alt August 16, 2012 at 01:58 PM
David.... my daughter will not eat at Chik-fil-a as long as Im paying its purely principal she can most certainly participate in activities with her friends their however I will not hand them 10 cents of my hard earned money. Thanks for saying i'm not hypocritical but I truly believe if I was to give them money it would most certainly be hypocritical. Thanks for your comments it's been a long time since we've seen each other I hope all is well with you...
Marci Alt August 16, 2012 at 01:59 PM
Swagger...now really that sounds YUCKY

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