When a Relationship is in Trouble - Where Do You Turn?

What to do when the relationship comes under fire? Wow! This can be tough. Well,for many tackling the mental health field can be difficult. Who do I call? Where do I go? How can they help me? It’s not me who needs help it’s him/her and they don’t want to go to counseling. All of these issues are issues that can cause great concern and put up roadblocks to obtaining the help that is needed.

The first thing I will say is absolutely seek professional help. With or without your partner…preferably with. But, if your partner doesn’t feel up it now, the changes and improvements you can make within yourself will be equivalent to “bringing the medicine” to your partner without them even being there. The next step is whom do I see? Now, I must admit my bias here. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist and I like what I do. With that being said, take what I say with a grain of salt and do the research yourself.

What am I talking about? Well, when it comes to medical doctors this is very clear and an easy example of my position. If you are having heart problems, Do you (A) look for a Podiatrist or (B) Look for a Cardiologist? Now, they’re both Medical Doctors and I’d even argue that the Podiatrist (just in case you didn’t get the right answer) Knows way more about the heart than your friend or co-worker, but his specialty is still feet. While a cardiologist has probably taken more direct classes dealing with the heart. So the right answer is (B).

Well with that said, Psychologist, Professional Counselors and other Mental Health workers can certainly help you with your relationship. However, I feel that finding a good Marriage and Family Therapist trained in systems theory will be more helpful as a starting point. Their course work has at least 4 graduate level courses dealing directly with relationships where the others may have one or none or have it as an elective. However, here’s the caveat to that, many mental health professionals take courses after graduation to learn about helping families. Others just have a knack for it and are very good because they have a very good counseling/psychology foundation. Lastly, beyond all else, at the heart and soul of change, the number one factor that determines if any mental health professional will work well for you is A) Your interpersonal connection with that therapist, do you like them as a person, B) Your openness to try new things and willingness to comply with that professionals suggestions and C) Desire and Belief in the change process.

Jemal Doute', M.A., LMFT, SAP, AAMFT Clinical Fellow is a staff counselor at Care and Counseling Center of Georgia. He specializes in working with couples, individuals, group therapy, EMDR therapy, PTSD, trauma counseling, domestic violence counseling, fathering issues, male batterers, military and law enforcement stress counseling and is a USDOT Substance Abuse Professional. He can be reached at jdoute@cccgeorgia.org.

Learn learn more about Care and Counseling Center of Georgia at cccgeorgia.org.