Beware the Royal Wedding

When I see a pregnant lady, all I think is “Good luck with that.” When I see a bride-to-be, I invite her over for tea so she can hear my marriage manifesto.

I didn't get invited to The Royal Wedding. And I'm guessing you didn't either, but I have advice for royals and commoners alike.

Here are some tips for finding and keeping your own prince(ss) charming:

Read romance novels. If you view romance novels as “smut” or “trashy books” you might want to revisit how you feel about relationships. Romance is about falling in love and being in love with the right person. Romance novels are about people falling in love, but with the added adventures of knights, castles, vampires, cowboys, navy seals, and billionaires. Who doesn’t want to fall in love with a billionaire?

Go to pre-marital counseling. Go to counseling after you are married.

Have an escape plan.  Not for getting out of your marriage, but for the , alien attacks, and meteors hitting the earth. You need to know that your spouse is battle ready in case of emergencies.

Do not call your spouse your best friend. It sounds like a demotion.

Write your plan in the sand. Know what you’d like out of life and marriage, but be prepared for a gust of wind or a tidal wave to change everything. When things change, it's good to know where you’re going.

Be paparazzi worthy. Secretly hold hands. Go on dates. We’ve been frequent customers of a for years. One waiter was surprised to find out that my husband and I had children. I thought it was a high compliment for a couple with four kids. We must have seemed like newlyweds. Or the waiter was fishing for a bigger tip. Either way works for me.

Don’t let your wedding day be the best day of your marriage. If you have to be a princess on your wedding day, the rest of your days will be rather disappointing.

Size matters. Have a big wedding if you like. Have a small wedding if you like.

Feel pretty. Weddings are special. Barefoot on the beach? Cathedral length train? Backyard barbeque? Make it a special day for you.

Cry if you want to.  When I walked into the church the morning of my wedding, I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to burst into laughter. Strangely enough, I bawled like a baby during the rehearsal the night before.

Weddings are full of paradoxes and compromises. Just like marriages.

Be a bridezilla. That is, on the things that really matter. I don’t usually recommend that you be a prima donna, but on some occasions getting what you want really counts. I wanted to have my nieces and nephew walk down the aisle, but the organizer at the church said they couldn’t because they were too young. There was an arbitrary “must be six years old to be in the wedding party" rule. Short version is that I got my way, and my nieces and nephew (who were 4 and 2 at the time) got to walk down the aisle. They did a fabulous job!

Let them eat cake. Studies have shown that people only remember two things at weddings. The bride's dress and the wedding cake. My wedding cake was so good, I don't even want to talk about it. Okay, twist my arm. It was chocolate cake with rum cream cheese icing. I just shed a tear.

After the party, it’s the after party.  The after party is called marriage. Enjoy it, Will and Kate. I do!